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"Taming Your Gremlin"
by Rick Carson

By Emily Bouchard, MSSW and Sheena Berg, M. Ed.

The StepHero™ Community Newsletter

It's no mystery why Rick Carson's imaginative, entertaining and insightful book, "Taming Your Gremlin” has been a consistent best seller for the past 25 years, appealing to a broad based audience of regular people and professionals, including life coaches, counselors, ministers, psychologists and diet and addiction counselors, to name but a few.

The real mystery is why every single person in the US doesn't own a copy. The undeniable fact is that everyone has a Gremlin (or two), whether it's a constant, unwanted visitor or a pop-in that intrudes around certain relationships, problematic issues, or challenging areas of life.

What is a Gremlin anyway?

To paraphrase Carson, a Gremlin is a negative, critical, inner voice that communicates with you and tries to control you when you face challenges, conflicts and problems.

Just think of this in the context of your blended family as you combine conflicting parenting styles, deal with step sibling rivalry or handle divorce poison with an ex spouse. Your inner voice may be at odds with what you know you should do.

For instance, your gremlin may demand your attention with sabotaging dialog that undermines your self confidence and prevents you from moving forward and achieving what you want and deserve in your blended family.

Some common phrases a Gremlin will say are, ” If you do this you'll fail”, "You can't” , "You should let it go” ,” It'll never work” " It's impossible”, " Don't change it?” -- sound familiar? Gremlins are merciless and keep up this barrage of negativity that they hope will define you and force you to accept their story of how reality is.

Some Gremlins are mild and irritating but others are strong and hard to control. The more you challenge your gremlin, the more controlling it becomes, until it achieves its goal of making you feel powerless and ineffectual. Stop for a minute and see where you can find a gremlin or two that are the cause of tension and conflict in your blended family.

Dealing With Gremlins

The most enlightening revelation about Gremlins is not at all what you might think. The obvious answer to negativity in life is to fight it, get rid of it, and supposedly move on with a more high functioning, positive inner dialog. Carson’s unexpected response is NOT to fight your Gremlin! This is because the Gremlin will reemerge in another form using its favorite weapon of fear.

Instead of resisting or fighting, Rick Carson encourages us to tame our gremlins by becoming conscious of them, noticing them and then acting independently of them. He promises you will then discover that you're not your Gremlin, and that it has no real hold over you. Your "taming success” comes from realizing you are an observer of your Gremlin rather than its servant.

Resources

If you have a Gremlin that’s creating a mess in your Blended Family we’ve got two great resources for you.

1. There's so much more to learn about Taming Your Gremlin!
We at Blended-Families.com encourage you to pic up Rick's book either at the local library or online.

2. A tried and true Gremlin-buster is having a Blended Family coaching session with one of our expert coaches. We can help you identify the Gremlin of the moment and help you tame it in an expedient, effective way. Sometimes it's hard to identify the Gremlin on your own, although you know it's in there talking up a storm while you're trying to do the complex balancing act of running a blended family with its multiple issues and challenges.


Wishing you and your blended family all the best,

Emily Bouchard, founder,
www.Blended-Families.com




 

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Taming Your Gremlin
Hour-long interview of the CEO of the Gremlin Taming Institute


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