| |
|
Parent Involvement
The StepHero™ Community Newsletter
 |
Be Available, Aware, and Engaged
Children are exposed at younger ages than ever before to sex, drugs, and violence through the media - through television, movies, video and computer games, the internet,
and through magazines geared towards teenagers.
Almost seven years ago, I was a nanny for a family with 5 daughters who ranged in age from 7 to 18 years.
The middle daughter was 13 at the time and very resistant to my being there in any way.
One day we sat down together with her Seventeen magazine. On the cover was a headline that read "10 ways to give your guy what he wants".
We decided to read that article together. One of the "ways" described, very graphically, how to perform an oral sexual act and surprise him with something at the end.
As soon as I realized what this article was saying, I stopped reading out loud and she demanded that I keep reading. I was shocked and overwhelmed and completely disarmed
- never in a million years did I think I'd encounter something like that in a magazine written for and heavily marketed to teens.
The information presented in that article was something I'd never heard of and I was over 30!
Well, the discussion we had after reading that article was one of the most powerful and memorable discussions I've ever had with a teenager.
Because we had read that article together, we had the opportunity to really explore all the feelings and thoughts that the article evoked.
She opened up to me, and I shared honestly with her. As a result of that unexpected encounter, she received me fully in her life, and continues to trust me and confide in me.
She went from resenting my presence to valuing it.
I shared this incident with her mother as soon as I could - revealing to her the content of the magazine she had bought for her daughter, and telling her how I handled discussing such a delicate and important subject in the moment. Some mothers would have been outraged and would have fired me on the spot. This mother was grateful to me and asked for my support in furthering her availability to her daughters around issues that parents would prefer not to discuss but know they need to do so.
The key in my mind to being an effective parent to a child at any age is AWARENESS. By this I mean being involved, actively engaged, and aware of things to which your children are being exposed AND what they are thinking and feeling about it. With that awareness comes a natural desire to communicate and share with each other.
Children who know that their parents are available, aware, and engaged, know that they are loved, valued and important. They get the message on a very deep level that their parents care. Children need to know that what they think and feel matters, and that their parents are present for them in the moments that they need them most.
|
|
Action Step
I invite you to take a more active role in your children's interests and activities. Read their magazines with them. Watch their favorite T.V. shows with them.
And talk about their thoughts and feelings about these pastimes with them. For example, if they play a lot of video games, see if you can play with them ---
have them teach you about the game, engage them in a conversation about what the game is about. Find out the purpose and goal,
what it is they need to do in order to accomplish their goals, and what are the aspects of the game that they like the best/least.
Being curious with them about their interests gives them a chance to share their world with you and you show them that you are interested and that you care
about what they care about. THEN - when you need to talk with them about what YOU care about, they are much more likely to be interested and respectful of you as well!
If you find yourself challenged by the above Action Step, visit our marriage coaching page and contact us from there
to schedule a coaching session to get you unstuck.
Wishing you and your blended family
all the best
in 2008
Emily Bouchard, founder,
Blended-Families.com
|
|
|
|
·