Love and Relationships:
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Entering into and maintaining a committed relationship after a previous one has failed is one of the bravest and challenging things a person can do. The majority of parents in blended families are committed to making things work the second time around, and this article is about some key ways to keep your relationship healthy and vibrant.
Falling in love is exciting and euphoric, but, as we know, the intense passion of early romance doesn’t last. Love changes as relationships mature, and the challenge becomes how to sustain love with the reality of all the challenges of bringing two families together as one, along with work, bills, kids, conflicting schedules, and an ever-increasing lack of time. Tragically, what most couples in blended families already know, the marriage can easily be taken for granted and couples become unintentionally lazy, or the previously attractive qualities of the spouses become a source of irritation or even contempt. How can love thrive in a busy, second-marriage? Although there is no universal guide for creating the perfect, loving marriage, StepHeroes highly recommends The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver, as a practical guide for building strong relationships and sustaining loving marriages. Dr. Gottman is a leading relationship expert who has studied real marriages in his Love Lab (The Gottman Institute) for over 30 years. Along with analyzing why marriages fail, he also studied the characteristics of those couples who not only survived the post honeymoon phase, but also became closer, more deeply in love, and partners in a stronger relationship. The most surprising revelation is that it’s the little things that transform a relationship and keep it loving, strong, and vibrant. What follows is a basic description of his seven important principles: Enhance your love map: Learn and remember relevant information about your partner’s life, goals, hopes and worries. This cements a deep connection that is a buffer from the stresses and problems of everyday life. Nurture your fondness and admiration: Positive feelings can get buried and forgotten under layers of negativity, resentment, irritation, and hurt feelings. Remember what you love about your partner and focus on those positive attributes during your day, even if you are feeling negative or distant. Turn toward your partner instead of away: Real life romance is fueled by ordinary conversations and attention, and not the intense drama of the movies. Simple acknowledgement of a comment or a request from a partner creates an emotional connection that enhances love, romance and a healthy sex life. Let your partner influence you: Take his or her opinions and feelings into account and listen with understanding and respect even if you disagree. Encourage power sharing and decision-making. Solve your solvable problems: Define whether problems are solvable or perpetual and remember that it’s not necessary to solve every conflict for a marriage to succeed. Rules of engagement help each partner feel respected during disagreements. Overcome gridlock: If you can’t solve a problem move from gridlock to dialogue. Talk without hurting each other and learn to live with the problem. Create shared meaning: Avoid being a “married single” by creating rituals, traditions, shared memories, goals, and values, as a couple and a family. |
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Recommended ReadingWe recommend that you read the book: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
(or any book by John M. Gottman) for more detailed information on applying each of the steps in your marriage. The book is filled with quizzes, checklists, exercises and examples to help you transform your relationship. You can get it at your library, but owning it is great because you can refer to it again and again. When you start to feel like you’re drifting apart, or that you need a tune-up, take the book out, and do one of the exercises together.
If you find yourself needing additional help, contact one of our blended family coaches to schedule a session.  Wishing you and your blended family all the best, Emily Bouchard, founder, www.Blended-Families.com |
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·145 Tyee Dr. #1526 · Point Roberts, WA 98281
Expertly created and promoted by Website Promotion Experts, Inc.
Graphic design by Illusive Design - Contact Us Sales Policy Affiliates