Increasing Intimacy
For Blended Family Success

Increase intimacy to preserve your blended family?

Yes. We believe that the number of second marriages that succeed (currently as low as 20% when children are involved) would dramatically increase if every person entering into a blended family read, studied, and applied the wisdom regarding increasing intimacy as shared in The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver.

Dr. Gottman is a leading relationship expert who has studied real marriages in his Love Lab (The Gottman Institute) for over 30 years. Along with analyzing why marriages fail, he also studied the characteristics of those couples who not only survived the post honeymoon phase, but also became closer, more deeply in love, and partners in a stronger relationship. The most surprising revelation is that it’s the little things that transform a relationship and keep it loving, strong, and vibrant.

Dr. Gottman notes that one of the easiest ways to enhance love in a relationship is to cement rituals of connection. Rituals are repeated, predictable events. They have symbolic meaning and can be as elaborate as a wedding, or as simple as having coffee together every morning.

Gottman encourages simple rituals such as greeting each other with a kiss, eating together without interference of cell phone or TV, and having a bedtime routine together. He especially recommends adults-only date nights once a week when a couple can focus on each other and talk, laugh, and remember why they fell in love in the first place. It can be a simple meal, a walk or an inexpensive shared activity.

Many people believe that lovemaking has to be spontaneous to be sexy and exciting. Dr Gottman recommends that busy couples who find it hard to be sexually spontaneous should ritualize lovemaking to make sure it happens, and in a way that both partners find fun and pleasurable.

The best single’s dates were often planned so why not lovemaking in a marriage? He recommends rituals such as wearing a certain perfume, playing signature music, or wearing sexy lingerie. Be creative. Part of being a good lover is noticing and acting on the rituals your partner finds sexy and exciting.

Action Step