Improve Your Relationships
By Taking
Your Own Medicine

Your Prescription for Others Is Your Key to Your Relationship Success

A couple I coach hit an impasse this week. Each of them had very clear reasons for what the other one was doing wrong or not doing towards the better good of their relationship. After listening to each of them and supporting them on listening to each other, they became even more frustrated, angry and dissatisfied.

As individuals, they were so sure about what the other needed to do differently in order for their relationship to work and for them to be happy. After hearing what they were "prescribing" for each other, I then invited each of them to “take their own medicine”. They both willingly explored all the ways that they were not doing for themselves that which they were so desperate to have the other do for them.

In life it is so much easier to know what is better for someone else. And the mind is so good at coming up with great ideas and suggestions for what the other person should do. What I’ve discovered to be true for me, my family, and my clients, is that when you take the advice you give to others and give it to yourself, you become free. Free of them needing to do “it” differently, and free to do that which you now know you need to do for you.

Another “truth” I’ve discovered is that while it is very easy to let someone else know how to live their life, I am way out of line in giving them advice that I’m not willing to do for myself.

Here’s an example of how this concept played out in my life just this morning after I had a long conversation in my head with my stepdaughter, which resulted in me composing the following letter to her:

Dear Robin,
Before I am willing to put out the time, energy, and investment to support you in pursuing a career as a nurse, once you provide me with answers to the following questions:

Have you made a “no matter what” decision about nursing as your career?

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to become a nurse?

What are you willing to sacrifice in order to become a nurse?

If you’re not willing to sacrifice in order to become a nurse, is there something that you would be willing to sacrifice for? What is it and why?

What are the choices that you are making that support your decision to become a nurse?

What are the choices that you are making that distract you and deter you from your goal?

Does the profession of nursing feed your values and beliefs? Are you in alignment with nursing as a life-long profession?

I invite you to envision yourself 10 years from now, happy and fulfilled in your life.

With love and curiosity,
Emily

In the process of allowing my thoughts to flow freely about Robin, I gave myself a wonderful gift. While I can make “astute” observations and questions about her life, the reality is that Robin’s life is hers to do with as she chooses. By “turning around” all of the above statements for myself, I gained valuable insights into areas where I have been holding myself back.

I applied each of the questions to myself in relationship to launching Blended-Families.com, LLC. I then “went inside” and allowed my heart to answer, to let the answers “appear” before me. I learned about beliefs I still have that cause me to resist moving forward. I discovered my true level of commitment. And, most importantly, I saw that StepHeroes is in direct alignment with my values and my dreams for the future. These discoveries helped me to move forward and commit to daily actions towards fulfilling my vision.

Whenever I find myself “knowing what’s best” for Robin (or anyone else), I will apply the advice I have for them to myself, and give myself the gift of greater clarity of who I am and what I need in each moment.

Action Step: Allow yourself to write out a “prescription” for a loved one. Write out in detail all that they should or shouldn’t be doing. Let yourself express your thoughts freely. Know that no one will be hurt by your words and that no one will see what you are writing except yourself. Once you feel complete, take some time to read over what you have written. Have you missed anything?

Now for the fun part! Read each statement and ask yourself where it is just as true for you in your life. Take some time and let the answer arise, from your inner knowing. Where can you apply your advice to them for yourself? Where are you needing to look at choices and decisions that you are making, perhaps in relationship to the person you have written about, perhaps in direct relationship to yourself.

I invite you to have fun with this and see what gems you get to discover about yourself. I look forward to hearing about your realizations!

Resources: For more information about how to “turn around” your advice for others and benefit from your inner wisdom, visit http://www.blendedfamilyexperts.com/byron-katie/recording/.

To get coaching support that will assist you in shifting from frustration with others to satisfaction with yourself, contact us now for an introductory coaching session.