Helicopter Parents.
Protecting & Defending
Their Children

We've all heard of the helicopter parents -- those well meaning and often seemingly model parents who constantly hover over their children protecting and rescuing them from any disappointment, challenge, frustration, or mistake. It's a tough and competitive world out there and helicopter parents want to make sure their kids are well prepared and supported as they navigate the challenges of elementary school through college, and even beyond.

Unfortunately, helicopter parents are raising wonderful kids who can only realistically survive if they never leave home.

There are now new and more diversified versions of helicopter parents that have evolved from the original. According to lead author of a new study, Patricia Somers, associate professor in the College of Education at the University of Texas, the most extreme version is the Blackhawk. This aptly describes the parent who comes in “with guns blazing demanding action” with an intensity and immediacy that is often inappropriate and unrealistic.

Others include the Toxic parent, the Consumer Advocate, the Rescuer, and the Safety Expert. They share many common features, the most harmful of which is depriving their kids of learning opportunities to develop problem solving skills and decision making experience that transition them towards responsible, independent adulthood.

Dr. Somers and her colleagues interviewed 75 officials at 15 universities to compile the new helicopter profiles and one surprising finding is that despite popular belief, all income levels, genders, race and ethnic groups are represented in helicoptering. She reports that there are several legitimate reasons why helicopter parenting is so prevalent, the most compelling being that technological advances allow parents to cross the line between healthy involvement and unhealthy intrusion with 24/7 cell phone, email, and instant messaging contact.

Second, parents have an elevated sense of concern and worry after tragic events like 9/11, Columbine, and most recently, Virginia Tech. And third, parents may be rejecting the less involved parenting style of their own parents and going to the opposite extreme.

Although helicoptering starts from the time a baby is born its most unhealthy manifestation is on the college campus where traditionally kids gain some independence as they live away from home for the first time and learn to handle themselves, their course work, and their social lives.

The study reported the gamut of helicopter interference including; parents obtaining their child's log on ID's and passwords to intercept mail; filling out their child's registration forms; changing room assignments; making course selections; editing term papers; calling the student multiple times a day to act as their alarm clock, and surfing around Facebook and My Space to check on the kid's social circle. It's like identity theft and some colleges feel like putting a restraining order on parents.

And the helicoptering is going beyond school years. According to some large corporations, programs are being designed to educate and accommodate parents as they accompany their adult kids on job interviews. My own personal favorite is helicopter mom's doing flashcards with their law school graduates during breaks at a big city Bar exam.

There is major concern that these kids will not be able to handle disappointment, setbacks, adversity, or the everyday pressures of the real world. Colleges are urging parents to pull back from the helicopter mode and expose their children to the concept of personal responsibility, cooperation, and independent decision making well before high school so that the child can mature into responsibility in manageable increments.

Parents need to realize that they aren't going to be involved in every single aspect of their child's life, and one college administrator said, “Even though parents are lovely and caring people they are oblivious to the fact that they are a huge obstacle in their kid's healthy development into adulthood”. Somers says the trend is not reversing any time soon and this is a not good for our college kids or their parents. It's time to land the helicopters.